so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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