i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
