Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
