my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
