I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
