I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
