Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
