she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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