Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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