I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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