I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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