My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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