We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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