idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
