Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wear drunk well.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
