I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
