I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
