Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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