i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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