Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
