God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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