my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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