Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
