i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
