his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
