Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
