I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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