This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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