So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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