When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
