Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dicks are not precious.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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