I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
