Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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