Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
