he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
