you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My life is pants optional.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
