We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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