i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize