But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
