i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I haven't been this sober since birth.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
