im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
