I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
