I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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