The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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