He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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