he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize