I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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