can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
