I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
