how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
