That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
