I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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