I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
