the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
