Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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