Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
