what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
ttyl tear gas
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
