So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
