I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
