Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
