Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
