i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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