What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
