she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
