it hurts more in the daytime
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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